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How To Fail At Everything

Success is easy…

  1. Pick one goal that really excites you.
  2. Decide that you will succeed at that goal – no matter what.
  3. Work towards achieving that goal every single day.

…But, failure is hard.

Failure requires you to carefully waste all of your mental and emotional energy in very specific ways.

So, here are the 5 rules you need to follow to guarantee failure in everything that you do:

Rule 1. Always pick three or more goals at a time.

The more goals the merrier. Every goal you pile on will scatter your mental focus and spread your creative energy that much thinner. Three seems to be the magic number where everything falls apart, but, you should aim for as many as you can think of if you really want to guarantee failure in all of them.

Rule 2. Only choose goals that give you a lukewarm feeling.

If you choose goals that make you feel hot and supercharged with energy, you’ll reach them no problem. So definitely stay away from those. What people don’t realize, however, is that the same is true for goals that make you feel cold or even repulsed. If you choose a goal you hate you might accidentally succeed at achieving its opposite, so don’t do that either.

Only go with goals that give you a weak, lukewarm, “meh” feeling in the pit of your stomach. This will guarantee that you only give halfhearted attempts and prevent you from wasting time thinking about your goals, or worse, becoming obsessed with them and building up a strong desire to really work at achieving them.

Rule 3. Make your goals as vague as possible.

This is super important. If your goals are crystal clear in your mind, you might actually stumble upon a useful course of action for achieving them. Be sure to use vague language when writing your goals down. The more you sprinkle your descriptions with phrases such as “well, umm…,” “maybe,” “sort of,” the better.

(Pro Tip: The easiest way to check if your goal is vague enough to guarantee failure is to read it out loud to someone else. If the person gets very confused, and can’t understand what you’re trying to achieve, you’ve nailed it! However, if the other person understands perfectly, and is maybe even a little inspired by what they just heard, you’ll need to throw that goal away and try again.)

Rule 4. Be as inconsistent as humanly possible.

Consistency has a weird way of making things work out even if you’re not very good at what you’re doing. So avoid it at all costs. Even if you’ve followed the first 3 rules, if you work consistently, each and every day on achieving your vague, uninspired goals, you’ll probably still achieve something big through daily action alone.

To avoid this, you must only work towards your goals when you feel like it – which won’t be very often if you followed Rule 2. Spend your days dealing with distractions and following your whims. Keep jumping from one shiny object to the next. And only ever work on your goals when it occurs to you that you’ve just spent the last 5 days binge-watching “The Office” on Netflix, and you should really get in a good 30 minutes of working towards your goal before the next 5 days off.

Rule 5. Give up and pick a whole new batch of goals.

At some point you’ll need to quit. You just have to do it. If you never quit you’ll still maybe reach one or two of your goals through random chance alone. But don’t worry! It gets easier to give up on yourself every time you do it. And soon, you’ll have so many failed goals under your belt that giving up will just come naturally to you. It will be so much a part of your habits that you will automatically fail at everything you ever want to achieve.

Keep these 5 rules in mind at all times (or whenever it occurs to you that your life is going a little too well), and you’ll be back on the path to constant failure and disappointment in no time!

Best wishes,
Jason Lynch
Founder – Speedzen Subliminals

PS – On the off chance that you don’t enjoy over-complicating your life and making everything hard on yourself – or, for some weird reason – you’d rather succeed at every goal you set, then you should probably check this out instead:

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Losers ask “Why?” – Winners ask “How?”

“Why did I fail?”

That question is useless at best, and life-destroying at its worst.

When we ask “why?” we’re looking for excuses for why things happened the way they did.

We’re not seeking new information, or solutions, or practical knowledge that we can use to improve our lives.

We’re just digging into our memories and looking for a reasonable explanation that will tie all those past events together into a nice, neat little story in our mind.

And when people dwell on that question for too long, or too often, they conclude that they, themselves, are failures.

It’s the most all-inclusive and logical reason, after all.

Asking “why?” is the way to make sense of the past.

But asking “how?” is the way to open the door to a better future.

If you try and fail, don’t ask “Why did I fail?” You’ll find plenty of reasons, and none of them will motivate you to keep moving forward.

When you ask yourself why you failed, you’re taking a passive role in your own life.

You become a spectator, watching yourself do things, and then coming up with reasons why you did them, after the fact.

If you want to succeed in everything you do, you’ll get better results if you ask “how?”

“How did I fail?”

That’s a useful question.

It’s looking for a solution.

If you know *how* you failed, you can figure out *how* to succeed.

And since the answer is, almost always, that you didn’t know how to do better…

You can just skip right to the real winning question:

“How can I do better next time?”

It’s the only question that winners ask themselves.

This question puts you back in the driver’s seat.

Now you’re taking an active role in directing the course of your life.

This question sets the expectation that you *can* do better and that there *will* be another attempt… and another… until you get where you want to be.

So leave it to the philosophers to speculate about why things happen.

If you want to adopt a winning mindset, and make things happen in your life, start asking how things happen instead of why they happen.

When you know how things happen, you’ll figure out how to make them happen in your favor.

Heck, you’re only able to read this email right now because some winners in history stopped asking “Why is there lightning in the sky?” and started asking “How is there lightning in the sky?”

The “why” question led to some ridiculous guesses about things we can’t possibly know. (And a lot of very violent arguing throughout history over whose guess was the right one.)

But the second question, the “how” question…

That question led to the discovery of electricity, and *how* it works, and *how* to use it to power all of our modern technological wonders.

It was a winning question that led to some winning results. And it was created by thinking like a winner.