People occasionally email me asking me to teach them some trick to be more persuasive.
They want to learn some NLP language pattern, or hypnosis tactic, to get people to do what they want…
Whether they’re trying to get a date, make new friends, be a better sales person, or whatever it is they feel they need to ‘trick’ people into doing…
There’s always this assumption that persuasion and influence involves trickery.
Well, it’s not a trick.
It’s not some villainous “dark side” mind control secret.
It’s simply this…
Really, truly, like yourself and enjoy your own company.
I know, it doesn’t sound mysterious or magical.
But it’s the only real and lasting way to ethically influence other people.
When you really get to know yourself, and accept yourself, and like yourself for who you are…
Others will like you, too.
And no, I don’t mean love yourself in a childish, narcissistic sense of “I’m so great, everybody says so.”
I mean treat yourself with respect and understanding:
- Hold yourself to reasonable standards of discipline, without beating yourself up when you make mistakes.
- Get to know what you really enjoy doing in life, and allow yourself to pursue those things.
- Exercise and eat well because you want yourself to be healthy and energetic.
- Read and write because you want yourself to be knowledgeable and able to communicate clearly.
- Allow yourself to get plenty of rest and recreation because, after all, you wouldn’t push someone you like to burn themselves out.
When you really start to like yourself and treat yourself with respect, your entire ‘vibe’ changes.
You treat others differently, and they can’t help but like you and, naturally, they will listen to you and you will have more influence because you are respectable and trustworthy.
When you become a friend and trusted advisor to yourself first, others will naturally trust you and seek your advice.
How you connect with yourself is how you connect with others.
If you feel lonely in your own company, others will feel lonely around you.
If you feel genuine warmth and openness with yourself, others will feel that as well.