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Perfectionism… or Paralyzing Fear of Failure?

Perfectionism is a silly excuse for never finishing anything.

Most people use it as a disguised form of procrastination.

* Waiting to apply for that perfect job until they get their resume just right… Only to lose that job to someone else with a ‘good enough’ resume.

* Or waiting to ask that one person out on a date… Only to watch them get swept off their feet by someone else who wasn’t waiting for the perfect time or the perfect thing to say.

* Or holding off on launching that new business until everything was perfectly in place… Only to have someone more motivated and action-oriented launch the exact same business and steal all the glory and success.

It seems like the only thing “perfectionists” ever get perfect is the ability to watch other people succeed.

…And then complain about it.

I got really good at that myself, in my younger days, before I had an important realization:

Those people who were stepping over me to take all the things I wanted in life didn’t give a damn about being perfect.

They weren’t sitting around waiting for the stars and planets to align.

They weren’t waiting for permission to take action.

No…

They understood that “good enough” efforts are usually more than enough to get the job done.

Especially if you take action fast, and get there before the so called “perfectionists.”

You can always improve as you go.

You *will* make mistakes and people *will* criticize you.

But, you keep your eye on the prize, and you adjust your course, and then…

You can keep moving forward and keep getting better… *as you go.*

Things will never be perfect.

You’ll never be perfect.

But, when you simply embrace that truth, most people finally see their perfectionism what it really was…

…Fear of failure.

…Fear of not measuring up.

…Fear of being “not enough.”

You’ll also start to notice that the people criticizing you are usually just the other “perfectionists” anyway.

They’re sitting around waiting for the perfect time or the perfect circumstances.

Because they’re terrified that they’ll fail otherwise.

And it really bothers them when other people let go of that fear and take action, because it draws attention to their own inaction.

Because their criticisms are just their own disguised frustrations over the fact that you’re taking action, getting things done, making it look easy, and… they aren’t.

So…

What things have you been putting off until the stars are perfectly aligned in your favor?

More importantly, how will your life look in 5 years if you keep putting it off?

And how much better will your life look like 5…10…15 years from now if you just said “screw it” and let go of that fear of not being perfect and just got started… right now?

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New Year’s Resolutions That Are Doomed To Fail

2019 is right around the corner.

That means, come Tuesday morning, most people are going to be working through their hangover to get started on the Resolutions they’ve set for themselves.

Which, in most cases, will mean dropping X number of pounds.

They’ll start a diet they hate, hit the gym a couple times, and end the week by binge-watching Netflix while eating junk food.

Why?

Because there’s nothing motivational about goals you can’t control.

And losing a specific amount of weight isn’t something we can control.

So, if you really want to get in shape, what goal *should* you set for yourself to get there?

Well, a buddy of mine was bragging to me the other day about how he lost 51 pounds this year.

He’s in the best shape of his life.

And he did it without a gym membership or a fancy diet.

He didn’t even set a goal to lose the weight.

He’d tried doing that the last 5 years (with the goal of only 25lbs), and always gave up. So he knew he needed a different approach.

So, what goal did he set instead of losing weight?

Just this: To start exercising every day.

That’s it.

And, since he’d tried and failed before, he knew it had to be a simple exercise routine.

So simple, in fact, that he’d never, ever, have an excuse not to do it.

So incredibly, brain-dead easy that he could do it every day, without fail, and maybe even *enjoy* doing it.

  • 50 pushups.
  • 50 body-weight squats.
  • And a 1 miles walk.

Pretty easy, right?

And no special equipment or gym membership needed.

He could easily work this into his daily routine no matter what else was going on in his life.

It’s not very intense either.

But it didn’t need to be intense.

Consistency was the key.

He finally discovered that *consistent* daily actions – which he could completely control – provided way better results than focusing on one big goal (losing 25lbs) that he couldn’t directly control at all.

In less than one year, he more than *doubled* his initial goal – which he had always failed to achieve the old way.

So my point here is this:

Setting huge goals for yourself in 2019 might blow up in your face.

It’s just human nature.

We set a big goal, without a clear idea of how to reach it, and totally ignore the fact that we can’t actually *control* the outcome…

Then, when we don’t reach the outcome right away, we give up and feel like we’ve failed.

It’s way easier to focus on goals you *can control*.

It’s easier to stay motivated when your goal is to change one thing in your daily routine.

Because then every day is a success.

It pumps you up for the next day… and the next…

And before you know it, that consistent, daily action adds up to some major positive outcomes in your life.

So…

What big goals have you set for yourself in 2019?

Would your chances of success increase if you could break it down into a simple, daily routine that’s guaranteed to get you there (or beyond)… without all the pressure of focusing on the big goal itself?

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How Motivation Kills Success

If you want to make huge changes in your life…

Then you’ll want to avoid the trap of trying to make dozens of changes at once.

I realize the temptation is huge.

You discover subliminals that really work to make changes in your life.

You get super excited and want to change everything about yourself…

Everything that is holding you back…

And you want to change it all, now.

One of the most overlooked mistakes in personal development is over-motivation.

Basically, it’s wanting something so badly, wanting to make changes in yourself and your life so quickly, that you get in your own way and trip over your own feet.

When it comes to money, over-motivation can be an enormous hurdle.

Same goes for physical fitness.

This is why you make one change in your life at a time, instead of 20.

Once you decide to make a specific change, you track it.

And do so in a way that every day becomes a small victory.

Every day you improve a bit more.

Every day you feel successful, like you’re actually making real progress.

You can’t just learn something new and expect mastery over night.

Learning about it is only the first step.

Next, you have to *practice* what you’ve learned.

Study and practice.

Study and practice.

Mastery comes from *doing* the thing you’re learning to do.

Want to be more confident at social events? You need to attend more social events.

Simply listening to a subliminal session and repeating positive affirmations won’t cut it. They’re great for the initial mindset shift and confidence boost, but you need to solidify that new confidence with *experience.*

Want to master a new language? You need to speak that language, more and more each day. Just reading about it won’t get you there.

Want to start a successful business? Studying how to start a business won’t make it happen until you get out there and *do* what you’ve learned… And probably fail, but learn from your mistakes… then practice and try again until you master it.

In short…

Change takes work, and change takes time.

If you spread yourself thin across several changes at once, you won’t have enough time and energy to make serious progress with any one of those changes.

So focus on one thing.

Track your progress daily.

And turn every day into a successful step forward on your journey!

Not sure where to focus your efforts?

Then perhaps getting clear on where you want to go in your life is the place to start.

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How To Stop Spreading Yourself So Thin That You Never Finish Anything

A person without a goal… a mission… a single purpose in life, is like a ship without a sail.

The waves push you this way and that.

But you never really move closer towards any one destination.

People who don’t have a clear mission and purpose in life always have trouble deciding what to do next.

Because – without that guiding mission – every task seems equally important, or unimportant.

There’s really no way to tell.

There’s no guiding principle for choosing one course of action over another, because there’s no clear way to measure the effectiveness of one over the other.

So, instead of picking a path and sticking to it, they move continuously back and forth, never really mastering any one skill, or working to achieve any one goal.

“Do I stick with this career, or study and train for a better one?”

“Do I stick with this diet, or pick a better one from the hundreds of others available?”

“Do I continue with this exercise plan, or will I get better results with a better one?”

“Do I listen to one subliminal session until I get the results I want, or do I listen to 3 at a time and get frustrated when nothing happens?”

This lack of decisiveness isn’t any sort of mental or emotional block.

It’s not a fear of commitment.

It’s simply a lack of certainty.

Until you’re certain about the end result you’re looking to achieve, anything and everything will look better than what you already have.

If you find yourself having trouble sticking to one course of study, or one career, or one single path towards any goal in your life…

You simply haven’t developed a clear vision of what you really want and where you’re really headed.

Because, once you know that… once you see it and *feel* it… all of your choices become obvious.

You know when you choose a course of action that it is the right one for you, because you know where you want to go and nothing else will distract you from that.

It’s easy to judge what’s best for you, because you can see where you are, where you’re headed, and what will get you there.

More importantly, you’ll easily identify what *won’t* get you there, and you can stop wasting time second guessing your decisions and jumping back and forth between different ways of reaching your goal.

Building a clear vision is like putting sails and a rudder on your ship.

Now, when the wind blows and the waves push you around, you can simply steer yourself straight through and towards your goal.

You won’t get swept away and pushed and pulled towards places you don’t want to go.

You’ll simply pick a path, decide the best way to travel that path, and do it.

But it all depends on building that vision, and developing the certainty that your one major goal, or purpose, is more important to you than all the others.

Then that mission and purpose can guide every decision you make moving forward:

https://www.speedzen.com/shop/subliminal-cds/find-your-purpose-in-life/

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What does confidence look like, to you?

We all have a different picture of confidence.

What’s yours?

Even if you don’t see yourself as confident, you can certainly picture someone you see as confident.

Maybe a friend, or family member, or some famous person you admire…

How do they stand?

How do they move?

How do they talk?

What is it about them that says to you: “I’m perfectly comfortable with myself”?

Men and women, young and old, can all think of some celebrity they’d love to be like.

To walk as confidently as they do…

To talk as confidently as they do…

To see themselves enjoying the status, admiration and respect that comes from nothing more than feeling like you deserve it.

And seeing yourself behaving that way is the key to feeling.

Chances are, if you don’t feel very confident in certain situations, it’s because you’ve learned to see yourself acting as if you’re not.

Your mental image of yourself collapses in those situations.

And your feelings about yourself quickly follow.

How do you see yourself behaving in a situation where you usually feel less confident than you should?

That image in your mind controls your behavior in those situations…

…Making you feel and act just as unconfident as you see yourself, in your mind’s eye.

My Unstoppable Confidence session allows you to change that mental picture of yourself.

It starts by allowing you to relax and call to mind images of what confidence looks like to you.

It encourages you to search your memories and feelings, looking for any examples of confident behaviors that you’d much rather have in those situations.

Then, it allows you to develop a stronger, brighter mental movie of yourself… behaving in those confident ways… even in situations where you’ve previously felt very insecure.

So now, those mental movies will stick in your mind throughout your day.

You’ll find yourself, more and more, maintaining a strong mental image of yourself as just the type of calm, relaxed, and confident person you’d rather be.

And that new movie will reshape your new feelings and behaviors, even in those old situations.

Soon, your confident self-image becomes permanent, so that your confidence becomes… unstoppable!

https://www.speedzen.com/shop/subliminal-cds/unstoppable-confidence/

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What percentage of your decisions are emotional?

And what percentage of your decisions are logical?

I used to think that I was a pretty good logical decision maker.

Until neuroscience came along and proved that *all* decisions are emotional.

In fact, the logical part of the brain isn’t even connected to the decision making part.

Logic is completely out of the loop.

Decisions are made, 100% of the time, in the emotional part of the brain.

Then, that decision gets passed up to the logical part of the brain.

And this process happens so quickly that we’re able to convince ourselves, logically, that we made that decision with logic.

But what’s really happening is that the decision gets made by our emotions and then the logical part of the brain explains why the decision was made…

…*after* it was made…

…Every single time.

What we consider to be logical decisions are simply decisions that were made in a calm emotional state.

When somebody is in a frantic emotional state, we consider their decisions to be emotional.

When somebody is in a calm emotional state, we consider their decisions to be logical and calculated.

In both cases, the decisions are made with the person’s emotions.

They are both making emotional decisions, because there is no other kind of decision.

But…

It’s usually clear that the person with calm emotions makes better decisions.

This was a hard truth for me to grasp.

I was raised to value logic, and to believe that decisions are logical.

But, once I truly understood it, making decisions has become so much easier.

And figuring out how to make better decisions is a snap.

Because, even though logic doesn’t participate in the decision itself, it does *influence* future decisions by looking back on past decisions.

Logic is still incredibly important. Just not in the way we are often led to believe.

When our emotions make a decision, it is the logical mind’s job to look at the results of that decision, weigh those results against all the possibilities, and then to pass that information back to the emotions.

And if logic doesn’t do its job, then our emotions are running blind – making worse and more frantic decisions since there’s no logical feedback to give our emotions are clear picture of where we are, and where we’re trying to get.

And that’s the key point here, because…

Our emotions are guided by the images we hold in our mind.

Those mental images, shaped by our senses and our logical reasoning, act as the “map” that our emotions use to make decisions.

If we have a clear image of where we are, and where we want to be, then our emotions can make good decisions to get us to our destination.

We remain calm and focused, the logical mind can analyze each step on the path and update that mental image, and the emotions can decide which way to go next.

But if we start with an unclear picture of where we want to be, and we aren’t paying attention to the results of each decision we make along the way, soon our emotions are stampeding – dashing back and forth between distractions – and becoming more frantic with each blind decision.

At that point it’s easy to start second guessing every decision we make. Or become too scared to make decisions at all, and decide to procrastinate on everything.

Confident decision making comes from a clear mental image of where you are, and where you want to be.

It’s a tricky concept to grasp, but, once you do, you’ll never struggle to make decisions again:

https://www.speedzen.com/shop/subliminal-cds/confident-decision-maker/

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Desperation Vs. Inspiration

We do some seriously negative self-programming whenever we say “need” instead of “want.”

And it’s one of those things that… once you really understand it… it changes your life completely, from the ground up.

You simply see everything differently than you did before, and life just gets… easier… in an odd, intangible sort of way.

So…

What is need, really?

What does the word actually communicate to your subconscious mind when you use it in your daily life?

Well, we all need to breathe.

We need oxygen.

Why?

Because without it your brain will start dying in as little as 3 minutes. After that, even if you survive, you risk serious permanent neurological damage. So you definitely *need* to breathe.

We all need water.

What happens if you don’t get water?

Your organs will shut down and you will die without it, in as little as 3 days. So we all *need* water.

And food. Without food your body will start tearing down your bones and muscles in a desperate attempt to keep the vital organs alive with scavenged proteins and nutrients.

Without food, you will die in as little as 30-40 days. So we all *need* to eat.

You absolutely need all those things simply because…

You will die without them.

That’s what it means to “need” something.

And you’re communicating that to your subconscious mind every single time you use that word.

Subconsciously, you’re programming yourself with mental images of your own impending death whenever say…

  • I need that job.
  • I need to pay off my loans.
  • I need a new car.
  • I need that person to like me.

…And on, and on.

Even if you never consciously see it, or think about it that way…

You can still feel it.

Your subconscious mind will still attach to that goal all of the feelings of desperation and fear associated with dying.

And that desperation will show in your thinking, in your decision making, and in your actions.

Desperation is a powerful motivator, for sure, but it also tends to be sloppy and reactive. It makes you react to your circumstances instead of taking a creative approach towards creating better circumstances.

A much better motivator, assuming your life isn’t actually under immediate threat, is…

Inspiration.

Inspiration is proactive and creative.

And the relaxed creativity it provides will also show through in your thinking and your actions.

And all it takes to switch gears from fear and desperation, to inspiration and creativity, is to change that one word…

Just say “want” instead of “need” when you’re talking about your goals.

Watch how differently you feel about your goals when you “want” them instead of “need” them.

Wanting something may give you a more relaxed, creative mental focus, and plenty of inspiration to start working towards that goal.

Needing it, on the other hand, will likely make you feel more fearful and desperate. It puts you in fight-or-flight mode, in situations that don’t call for it. It increases your anxiety and closes your mind to all the opportunities around you because… ultimately… you *need* to do whatever it is because you’re basically telling yourself that you’ll die if you fail.

Inspiration and desperation are both powerful motivators, but…

Which form of motivation is most likely to provide consistently positive results, and keep you motivated and determined for the long haul?

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What Will You Regret On Your Deathbed?

I had a weird dream last night.

The dream left me with a burning curiosity.

In this dream, I was dying.

And I was perfectly okay with it.

No fear.

No dread.

No desire to stick around for unfinished business.

I was just letting go and moving on.

And I woke up with the realization that I’m not afraid to die anymore. I don’t want to die, mind you… but when it happens, so be it. I’m not scared of it.

But it also left me wondering…

What’s the biggest deathbed regret that people have these days?

So I Googled ‘deathbed regrets’ and this popped up first:

“#1 I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I don’t change my goals because others expect me to.

I make time for myself first: My own goals, my own projects, my own health and well-being.

And…

I never let other people tell me how to live.

Selfish?

It could be, if I stopped there.

But I don’t.

Because one thing I’ve discovered after a few years of practicing this type of “selfishness” is this:

When I make sure that I’m happy and healthy, I end up with *WAY* more time and energy to help others out with their problems.

The fewer problems I have, because of my “selfishness,” the more useful and available I am to my family, my friends, and you, my readers and customers.

I need 8 hours of sleep each night and about 2 hours during the day to make sure that I eat right, get some exercise, and do my daily reading.

That leaves 14 hours every day to help other people reach their goals.

And I have the energy and mental focus to be productive during that 14 hours because of my “selfish” 10 hours.

But…

If I ever cut into that 10 hours I need for me, thinking it will help somebody else…

It all falls apart.

So I never do it.

I know a lot of “selfless” and very “giving” people who never have time or energy to actually help the people they care about.

And it’s sad to watch.

They don’t set their own direction in life. They don’t take care of their own physical, emotional and mental needs.

And then they end up sick, tired, broke, and completely incapable of being useful to anyone – even themselves.

People who refuse to help themselves first end up being the neediest people out there. And it’s heartbreaking because they usually start from a position of wanting to be helpful to others.

But then… at the end…

They realize their mistake.

They regret all that wasted time.

They regret their misguided efforts to “help” others by sacrificing themselves…

All because of a fear of being seen as “selfish” for taking care of themselves.

I wouldn’t wish that end on anybody.

https://www.speedzen.com/shop/subliminal-cds/find-your-purpose-in-life/

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Removing Toxic People From Your Life

I see a lot of advice out there about removing toxic people from your life.

Everybody talks as if we should be identifying and forcefully ejecting the people that hold us back, whenever we decide to improve ourselves.

I guess I have a different take on this issue.

Change always began on the inside, for me.

Starting with my own beliefs and attitudes.

Then…

Those changes manifested automatically in my outer world with my actions and habits.

And when I started really improving myself outwardly, my acquaintances sorted themselves out.

Whether that meant following my lead, or just deciding that I was nuts and distancing themselves from me, I never really had to “remove” anyone from my life, or convince them to follow along with the changes I was making.

It always just happened naturally.

Did some of them try to hold me back, like crabs in a bucket pulling the attempted escapee back down with the rest?

Sure.

But it never really had much effect on me.

Not because I have some sort of unbreakable willpower and resistance to peer pressure.

I don’t.

I just learned how to keep my eye on the prize in those situations.

When I quit drinking, my buddies who only wanted to drink with me told me I was boring and stopped hanging out with me.

Not really a problem. Since my decision to quit drinking was final, and if that’s all we had in common to begin with, then so be it.

When I started eating right and exercising regularly, a few of my friends and family actually followed my lead and started exercising and eating better themselves.

But…

When I decided to start my own business, everybody thought I was nuts and a few even tried to actively hold me back.

Money has a weird effect on people.

And if the people in your life have strong negative emotions towards money and success, then you may actually experience some real friction.

Some people, when they see you start to be way more successful than they’re comfortable with, will try to actively hold you back.

I still didn’t need to “remove” them from my life, though.

We just stopped talking about money and business, and continued being friends. Some of them even began to reevaluate their own beliefs about success and started looking for ways to improve their own situations.

So I gotta say, I’m not really a fan of “removing toxic people.”

Unless someone is blatantly abusive towards you, in which case, the solution should be obvious.

But, for me, the best approach has always been to give myself a plan – a mission – and focus on that. People who are attracted to that seek me out and stick around, and people who aren’t…

Well, they simply show themselves the door.

No explosive confrontations.

No hard feelings.

Just keep focused on your life mission.

Don’t stress yourself out over the opinions of people who don’t have that type of direction in their lives and…

Everything else always sorts itself out.

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I Love Saying (and Hearing) This Offensive Word

I don’t know how you feel about this word.

Most people hate it.

But maybe you’re okay with it.

I won’t judge.

I like it, too.

Because I’ve learned how much power this offensive little word really packs for people who are willing to say it…

…and for people who aren’t afraid to hear it, either.

Once they embrace this word, they’re suddenly freed from so many useless habits:

  • They stop wasting money on stuff they don’t need.
  • They stop hanging out with ‘friends’ who only take from them and never give anything back.
  • They stop getting into bad relationships because they’re quick to notice (and call out) red-flags right from the start.
  • They stop settling for less than they’re really worth at their job or in their business.

Mostly, though, they get very decisive.

They start making decisions and sticking to them.

They seem to acquire a sense of purpose that drives them to make better use of their time, money, and emotional energy.

All because they stopped being afraid to hear…

…or to say…

“NO”

It’s actually painful for some people to say or hear it.

And yet, how much more pain is caused by avoiding it?

How many bad relationships could have ended before they started, if someone said it?

How many dreams of success never even left the ground, because someone was afraid to hear it?

I know I was really uncomfortable with it for a long time.

I couldn’t say it because I thought I’d hurt the others person’s feelings.

I couldn’t hear it because it meant I was being rejected, and rejection hurts.

But my life has drastically improved since I realized that it’s just a perfectly natural way to express personal boundaries and limitations.

I’m not rejecting someone when I turn down a request. I’m simply making it clear that I don’t have the time, money or energy to effectively help them.

And people aren’t rejecting me when I hear it, either. So I have no reason to fear hearing it.

In fact, it’s become clear to me in my advancing age that hearing ‘No’ upfront is *way* easier than having things dragged out with an endless string of ‘Maybes’, or worse…

Someone saying ‘Yes’ when they mean ‘No’ and then never doing what they just promised.

‘No’ puts everything on the table and lets both parties get on with their lives.

It’s just easier, in my experience.

Maybe your experience is different. Maybe you’ve already mastered the power of ‘No’ or, maybe you’re comfortable just hiding from it.

In that case, this subliminal session definitely isn’t for you:

https://www.speedzen.com/shop/subliminal-cds/eliminate-fear-of-rejection/