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Desperation Vs. Inspiration

We do some seriously negative self-programming whenever we say “need” instead of “want.”

And it’s one of those things that… once you really understand it… it changes your life completely, from the ground up.

You simply see everything differently than you did before, and life just gets… easier… in an odd, intangible sort of way.


What is need, really?

What does the word actually communicate to your subconscious mind when you use it in your daily life?

Well, we all need to breathe.

We need oxygen.


Because without it your brain will start dying in as little as 3 minutes. After that, even if you survive, you risk serious permanent neurological damage. So you definitely *need* to breathe.

We all need water.

What happens if you don’t get water?

Your organs will shut down and you will die without it, in as little as 3 days. So we all *need* water.

And food. Without food your body will start tearing down your bones and muscles in a desperate attempt to keep the vital organs alive with scavenged proteins and nutrients.

Without food, you will die in as little as 30-40 days. So we all *need* to eat.

You absolutely need all those things simply because…

You will die without them.

That’s what it means to “need” something.

And you’re communicating that to your subconscious mind every single time you use that word.

Subconsciously, you’re programming yourself with mental images of your own impending death whenever say…

  • I need that job.
  • I need to pay off my loans.
  • I need a new car.
  • I need that person to like me.

…And on, and on.

Even if you never consciously see it, or think about it that way…

You can still feel it.

Your subconscious mind will still attach to that goal all of the feelings of desperation and fear associated with dying.

And that desperation will show in your thinking, in your decision making, and in your actions.

Desperation is a powerful motivator, for sure, but it also tends to be sloppy and reactive. It makes you react to your circumstances instead of taking a creative approach towards creating better circumstances.

A much better motivator, assuming your life isn’t actually under immediate threat, is…


Inspiration is proactive and creative.

And the relaxed creativity it provides will also show through in your thinking and your actions.

And all it takes to switch gears from fear and desperation, to inspiration and creativity, is to change that one word…

Just say “want” instead of “need” when you’re talking about your goals.

Watch how differently you feel about your goals when you “want” them instead of “need” them.

Wanting something may give you a more relaxed, creative mental focus, and plenty of inspiration to start working towards that goal.

Needing it, on the other hand, will likely make you feel more fearful and desperate. It puts you in fight-or-flight mode, in situations that don’t call for it. It increases your anxiety and closes your mind to all the opportunities around you because… ultimately… you *need* to do whatever it is because you’re basically telling yourself that you’ll die if you fail.

Inspiration and desperation are both powerful motivators, but…

Which form of motivation is most likely to provide consistently positive results, and keep you motivated and determined for the long haul?

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“I Can’t See Myself Doing That”

I used to think this was a harmless figure of speech.

When someone is presented with a great idea…

Something that could really take their life, their career, or their business to the next level…

They say: “Sounds great, but I just can’t see myself doing that.”

It’s not a harmless figure of speech, though.

One of the first things you learn if you study NLP is that the language we use is very often a crystal-clear, and very literal representation of exactly what’s really going on in our mind’s eye.

And if you can’t see yourself doing something…

You can’t do it.

Simple as that.

If you can’t see yourself doing bigger and better things with your time and energy, then you won’t.

If you can’t see yourself doing the daily tasks that will get you where you want to be in life, then you’ll stay right where you are.

And it’s easy to see yourself right where you are.

You’ve been practicing a very long time. So long, in fact, that right where you are perfectly matches what you’ve been seeing yourself doing up until now.

And if you don’t like where you are, then it’s time to learn how to see yourself being somewhere else and doing something else.

Everything we do starts as an image in our mind.

Sometimes with a vague image that leads to a weak impulse to take some kind of half-hearted action.

And sometimes with a very clear image that leads to immediate and decisive action.

Learning to see yourself being exactly the person you want to be, clearly in your mind’s eye, is the most powerful skill you can ever develop.

Instead of allowing the images in your mind to be shaped by those Hollywood weirdos, or the constantly negative news, or any of the other forms of negative programming we’re constantly bombarded with…

You can take the steering wheel of your own subconscious mind into your own hands, and steer your life in the direction *you* choose.

All your moods, habits, actions and motivations remain under constant control of whatever mental movies are playing out in your mind.

So take control of those movies. Take back your life.

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What Are You Telling Yourself With Your Actions?

It’s amazing what you can achieve when you learn to communicate with your subconscious mind.

When you cease to be a stranger to the part of yourself responsible for all your motivation and creative problem solving…

…You become unstoppable.

You can set a goal, pass that goal to your subconscious through visualization and affirmations, and then work almost effortlessly towards attaining that goal because you have the full force of your subconscious resources at your disposal.

But, when it comes to affirmations…

Actions speak louder than words.

You can use all the positive visualization and affirmations in the world and still get nowhere if your conscious actions contradict the goal you’ve set.

  • If you set a goal to eat healthier but keep all the unhealthy food in your pantry, what you’re really telling your subconscious is that you’re just taking a break, and you’re keeping the junk food around for later. And you will, inevitably, get around to eating that junk food.
  • If you set a goal to boost your self-worth and act more confidently, but continue to hang out with people who don’t respect you and make you feel inadequate, you’re telling your subconscious that you don’t really deserve a sense of self-worth.
  • If you set a goal to learn a new skill but never get around to actually practicing that skill – if you instead watch TV or play video games – you’re obviously telling your subconscious where your true priorities are by what you choose to do in your spare time.

The bottom line is this:

You can achieve way more when your subconscious mind and your conscious mind are on the same page.

When you are consciously working towards a goal AND your subconscious mind is in alignment with that goal – when it’s helping you from behind the scenes – you will stay motivated, work harder, get more inspiration, handle new challenges with confidence, and solve complex problems with ease.

But, just as easily, you can sabotage all that progress whenever you consciously choose to act against the goal you’ve set.

When you tell your subconscious – through your actions – that you’re not really serious, it will simply stop helping. It will obey that new command without question or argument…

And all your positive affirmations and visualizations get thrown out as you find yourself right back at square one.

Something to think about if you ever find yourself seemingly sabotaging your own efforts:

“What are my actions saying about my true beliefs?”

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What Will You Regret On Your Deathbed?

I had a weird dream last night.

The dream left me with a burning curiosity.

In this dream, I was dying.

And I was perfectly okay with it.

No fear.

No dread.

No desire to stick around for unfinished business.

I was just letting go and moving on.

And I woke up with the realization that I’m not afraid to die anymore. I don’t want to die, mind you… but when it happens, so be it. I’m not scared of it.

But it also left me wondering…

What’s the biggest deathbed regret that people have these days?

So I Googled ‘deathbed regrets’ and this popped up first:

“#1 I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I don’t change my goals because others expect me to.

I make time for myself first: My own goals, my own projects, my own health and well-being.


I never let other people tell me how to live.


It could be, if I stopped there.

But I don’t.

Because one thing I’ve discovered after a few years of practicing this type of “selfishness” is this:

When I make sure that I’m happy and healthy, I end up with *WAY* more time and energy to help others out with their problems.

The fewer problems I have, because of my “selfishness,” the more useful and available I am to my family, my friends, and you, my readers and customers.

I need 8 hours of sleep each night and about 2 hours during the day to make sure that I eat right, get some exercise, and do my daily reading.

That leaves 14 hours every day to help other people reach their goals.

And I have the energy and mental focus to be productive during that 14 hours because of my “selfish” 10 hours.


If I ever cut into that 10 hours I need for me, thinking it will help somebody else…

It all falls apart.

So I never do it.

I know a lot of “selfless” and very “giving” people who never have time or energy to actually help the people they care about.

And it’s sad to watch.

They don’t set their own direction in life. They don’t take care of their own physical, emotional and mental needs.

And then they end up sick, tired, broke, and completely incapable of being useful to anyone – even themselves.

People who refuse to help themselves first end up being the neediest people out there. And it’s heartbreaking because they usually start from a position of wanting to be helpful to others.

But then… at the end…

They realize their mistake.

They regret all that wasted time.

They regret their misguided efforts to “help” others by sacrificing themselves…

All because of a fear of being seen as “selfish” for taking care of themselves.

I wouldn’t wish that end on anybody.

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How Asking Better Questions Can Improve Your Life

We can never outperform our self-image.

If we can’t see ourselves doing something, then we can’t do it.

Simple as that.

But all of us have far more potential than we tend to imagine.

Physically, mentally, emotionally, creatively…

Our true limits far exceed what most of us ever actually achieve.

Because it’s never our true limits that stop us from moving forward.

Instead, the wall we hit when we strive to become better, faster, stronger, or more successful is…

What we can *see* ourselves accomplishing.

If you can’t see yourself living the life you want to live, you won’t even feel the motivation to try to get there in the first place.

So the real trick to success and personal growth is, and always has been, to first build a vision of what you want to achieve.

A strong vision of what you want, held in your mind’s eye, magnetizes every cell of your body towards achieving it. That vision causes you to dig deeper, push harder, and access power you didn’t even know you had until you removed the limitations of your own self-image by visualizing something better.

The more clearly you can see yourself doing the things you want to do, and living the life you want to live, the more motivated you will be to work towards it. You’ll begin to tap into that infinite well of spiritual energy that we can all access, but rarely do, all because the limits of your self-image are expanding and allowing you to let more of that creative, life-giving energy flow through your mind and body.


How do you build a better vision of yourself?

Ask better questions.

Cool it with the “why’s”…

“Why do I always ____?”

“Why can’t I ever ___?”

“Why does ____ always happen?”

Those types of questions are asked from within your current image of yourself, so they can only ever affirm and strengthen your current self-image, along with all its false limitations.

Instead, ask questions to build up a vision of a life outside of your current self-image.

  • Where do I want to be in five years? – This immediately starts to paint a picture of a different reality, in a different place and time, detached from your current reality.
  • What am I doing there? – Now that mental picture begins to move and take on a life of its own as you let it play out in your mind’s eye.
  • Who is with me? – Other characters enter the movie, as a life-like story begins to unfold.
  • How did I get there? – And now the magic happens. Your subconscious mind can begin working backwards, bridging the gap between this new reality and your current reality.

And your self-image will automatically begin to expand and improve so that you can see yourself as the type of person who takes action, starting today, to begin walking across that bridge to the new reality you’ve envisioned.

By asking questions that create a mental movie *outside* of your current reality, you allow your creativity to work at its full potential, unchained from whatever self-limiting beliefs may have been holding you back up until now.

Instead of allowing your limited self-image to dictate what is or isn’t possible for you…

You allow your self-image to be reshaped and improved by your own limitless creative potential. You allow your self-image to become whatever it needs to be to achieve what you want.

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Removing Toxic People From Your Life

I see a lot of advice out there about removing toxic people from your life.

Everybody talks as if we should be identifying and forcefully ejecting the people that hold us back, whenever we decide to improve ourselves.

I guess I have a different take on this issue.

Change always began on the inside, for me.

Starting with my own beliefs and attitudes.


Those changes manifested automatically in my outer world with my actions and habits.

And when I started really improving myself outwardly, my acquaintances sorted themselves out.

Whether that meant following my lead, or just deciding that I was nuts and distancing themselves from me, I never really had to “remove” anyone from my life, or convince them to follow along with the changes I was making.

It always just happened naturally.

Did some of them try to hold me back, like crabs in a bucket pulling the attempted escapee back down with the rest?


But it never really had much effect on me.

Not because I have some sort of unbreakable willpower and resistance to peer pressure.

I don’t.

I just learned how to keep my eye on the prize in those situations.

When I quit drinking, my buddies who only wanted to drink with me told me I was boring and stopped hanging out with me.

Not really a problem. Since my decision to quit drinking was final, and if that’s all we had in common to begin with, then so be it.

When I started eating right and exercising regularly, a few of my friends and family actually followed my lead and started exercising and eating better themselves.


When I decided to start my own business, everybody thought I was nuts and a few even tried to actively hold me back.

Money has a weird effect on people.

And if the people in your life have strong negative emotions towards money and success, then you may actually experience some real friction.

Some people, when they see you start to be way more successful than they’re comfortable with, will try to actively hold you back.

I still didn’t need to “remove” them from my life, though.

We just stopped talking about money and business, and continued being friends. Some of them even began to reevaluate their own beliefs about success and started looking for ways to improve their own situations.

So I gotta say, I’m not really a fan of “removing toxic people.”

Unless someone is blatantly abusive towards you, in which case, the solution should be obvious.

But, for me, the best approach has always been to give myself a plan – a mission – and focus on that. People who are attracted to that seek me out and stick around, and people who aren’t…

Well, they simply show themselves the door.

No explosive confrontations.

No hard feelings.

Just keep focused on your life mission.

Don’t stress yourself out over the opinions of people who don’t have that type of direction in their lives and…

Everything else always sorts itself out.

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The Law of Repulsion

The key points of the Law of Attraction can be summed up like this:

  1. Build a clear vision of what you want.
  2. Keep an abundance mindset, so you are open to new opportunities.
  3. Maintain a feeling of gratitude and faith, so you attract all the people and events you need to get where you’re going.
  4. Go about your life, guided by your intuition, until you reach your visualized goal.

This always works when you focus on things you can actually control.

You can control your vision of what you want. Things will happen throughout your day to cloud your vision, but you can always refocus and rebuild it when you notice this happening. You can write it down and carry it with you. You can rewrite it whenever you need to refresh it and breathe some new life into it.

You can control your mindset. Staying focused on the fact that there’s always another opportunity if this one falls through. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak.

You can choose to focus on gratitude. And this is the real key – at the emotional level – for making the Law of Attraction work. You actually operate at an entirely different frequency when you are feeling gratitude instead of neediness. Your whole ‘vibe’ changes when you choose to focus on the things that make you feel gratitude, instead of focusing on perceived lack.

And that’s where most people lose it.

All the way back at step one: building a clear vision of what you want.

Wanting something keeps all the other steps well within your control.

But… instead, many people frame it as a *need*.

“This is what I need to happen.”

“I need more money.”

“I need so-and-so to like me.”

“I need to get X so I can get Y.”

“I need, I need, I need.”

And everything falls apart after that, because…

Need shoves everything outside of their control.

They can’t maintain an abundance mindset if they *need* a particular outcome. They’ve narrowed down their acceptable possibles to *one* time, in *one* place, or with *one* person.

“One” is NOT abundance.

It’s literally just *one* thing: the scarcest of scarcities. And if they lose that one thing they’ve failed.

What does this neediness do to their emotional state? Can they feel gratitude when they’ve backed themselves into a corner of all-or-nothing scarcity?

Maybe. It might be possible.


What’s more likely to happen is this: Instead of going about their day feeling gratitude and seeing abundance and following their intuition, they develop a scarcity-driven tunnel vision towards the *one* thing they think they *need*, and they end up feeling a desperate neediness for that one thing.

Their ‘vibe’ changes from attractive gratitude to…

Repulsive neediness.

If their goal requires other people to participate… other people aren’t going to be attracted by that energy. They’ll feel that neediness coming a mile away and run for the hills.

You can try it yourself, right now, if you want to feel the difference between want and need.

If you say to yourself “I need more money,” and then wait a bit and really allow yourself to feel the emotions that this statement of need brings up in your gut, you might start to get an idea of what I mean.

It’s not a pleasant feeling.

But now, try “want” instead.

Try saying to yourself “I *want* more money.”

It’s a much lighter feeling.

There’s no desperation or scarcity attached to it.

It doesn’t make you feel like you’re lacking money. It’s just an honest acknowledgement that you’d like to have more.

And it’s a bit more motivating because it doesn’t restrict your thinking and feeling.

That’s the energy that will attract what you want.

It allows your imagination to begin looking for more opportunities in a relaxed and creative way, instead of frantically grasping at whatever passes by like a drowning person pulling his rescuer down with him.

Feeling the difference between “wanting” something and “needing” something might even open up your mind to how this can be applied in every area of your life.

Wanting something puts your imagination back in your control.

Needing something puts everything outside of your control. It narrows your possibilities and traps you in a scarcity mindset.

It’s such a subtle difference, but the difference in quality of the feeling… the energy… the ‘vibe’… is the difference between success and failure in everything.

One attracts more to you… but the other drives everything away.

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My Kids Won’t Be Forced To Eat Potato Soup

I cringe whenever someone says “Money can’t buy happiness.”

Not because it isn’t true.

It is true.

Happiness is a choice.

No matter what’s going on in your life, you can choose to be happy or you can choose to be morose.


If you’re in the habit of being unhappy, someone could drop a million bucks in your lap, and you’d *still* find reasons to be unhappy after that initial excitement wears off.

But that’s not why I hate that saying.

The real reason is…

Potato soup.

I’ll explain:

I grew up dirt poor.

In the worst part of town.

In one of the most disgusting trailers in the most run-down trailer park in town.

A family of 5 squeezed into a nasty little 3 bedroom trailer.

We ate potato soup for dinner as often as twice a week.

No, not some fancy potato chowder with milk and meat in it.

I mean soup made out of potatoes, as in…

Potatoes boiled in water, with some salt and pepper.

Just enough carbs to keep us alive, but almost no nutritional value.

And we still managed to be happy most of the time.

My siblings and I found games to play. We created our own little imagination-fueled adventures to keep us occupied.

Lack of money didn’t make us unhappy.

It did, however, cause a lot of stress and health problems that could have been easily avoided with a little more money and some more nourishing food.

But… whenever we complained about not having better food, better clothes, or a better home…

My father would say “Kids, money can’t buy happiness.”

And, with a look of total self-satisfaction, he’d leave it at that.

Then, he’d go right back to watching TV instead of… of… I don’t know… looking for ways he could afford to buy his family healthier food and a safer place to live.

And so, the reason I absolutely despise that saying isn’t because it isn’t true.

The reason I feel myself overflowing with disgust when people say “Money can’t buy happiness” is because, in my experience, it was always used as an excuse for laziness – bordering on criminal neglect – towards one’s own responsibility to provide.

It implies that, since you can be happy without money… there’s no point in worrying about getting money.

And *that* isn’t true.

The assumption that sneaks in behind the saying “Money can’t buy happiness”… that sneaky, insidious little assumption that it’s okay to settle for almost nothing, in a world of such abundance and opportunity…

That’s what disgusts me.

Being healthy can’t make you happy, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t expect to have enough money to buy healthy food.

Living in a nice, clean house in a safe neighborhood can’t make you happy, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for abject poverty.

My childhood poverty is so distant now that writing about it feels like writing about an entirely different reality.

And I plan to keep it that way… very distant and never to return.

Whatever the future may bring, economically, politically or otherwise… my children are never going to be forced to eat boiled potatoes for dinner.

Because they’re not going to inherit their grandfather’s hateful beliefs and feelings towards money.

Whether or not they’re happy… well, that’ll be up to them.

That’s their choice and their life lesson.

But, they’re never once going to hear me tell them that money is bad. Or that wanting money is bad. Or that having an abundance of material wealth is anything less than perfectly healthy and desirable.

It took me decades to deprogram myself from my father’s attitudes towards wealth.

So I’m going to save my children a lot of time by giving them positive attitudes toward wealth right from the start.

The positive attitudes towards wealth and money that I wish I’d been given to start with.

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Getting Others To Do What You Want

Not too long ago, I wrote about how to be more persuasive.

If you missed that one, it boiled down to this…

“When you like yourself and treat yourself with respect, others will like you and respect you.”

More importantly, though, the *right* people will like and respect you.

Not everybody, of course.

Just the people that matter.

Many of my readers felt the truth in that, and immediately put it to use in their own lives.

A few people got mad, though.

These very few people were angry with me because they assumed I must be holding back some jealously guarded mind-control secrets, and insisted that I should share those instead.


That’s fine with me.

They can get mad and unsubscribe and never buy anything from me.

The way I see it, I won’t benefit from trying to convince them of anything.

And I don’t think they’d get much from me trying to convince them, either.

What do you think? Maybe I’m wrong, but…

I don’t see any clear benefit to being able to convince people of anything. I could get pushy or try to use fear and intimidation, and maybe… just maybe get a few extra people to say they agree with me just to shut me up, or…

I can just say what I think, explain why I think it, and let people decide for themselves.

Is that crazy? I don’t know about you, but I find my life to be a lot more enjoyable when I focus on helping people who want my particular brand of advice, rather than chasing people who don’t.

How about you? Would your life improve a great deal if you could force other people to agree with you?

Or, if you were a puppet master pulling everybody’s strings and making them dance, would that increase your enjoyment of life?

I don’t need an answer. It’s just something to think about. Those are some questions I used to ask myself whenever I got so frustrated with life that I’d find myself slipping into childish power fantasies.

My answer was always “no.”

Not only that, when I followed those ridiculous mental fantasies through to the end, it usually led me to realize that my real frustration came from the fact that I had such a hard time persuading *myself* to do anything… let alone anybody else.

And the path of self-discovery that came from learning how to motivate myself – to really understand my deeper, subconscious motivations and, how to get them aligned with my conscious desires – well, that was far more fulfilling and rewarding than being granted some creepy power to control others.

Of course, when you learn what really drives you… when you learn how to motivate and persuade yourself… you’ll get better at inspiring others.

How much more useful would that be?

And yeah…

The people who got mad at me are right.

I am holding back some secrets.

There are lots of nasty little tricks you can use to get people to do what you want.

Many of which are used in the mainstream media every single day.

But why should I teach them to someone who can’t control themselves?

The world is pretty chaotic right now because there are a few people who know how to control others, and a *whole lot* of people who don’t know how to control themselves.

And so, the way I see it, my purpose is to help people learn to control themselves.

How about you?

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I Love Saying (and Hearing) This Offensive Word

I don’t know how you feel about this word.

Most people hate it.

But maybe you’re okay with it.

I won’t judge.

I like it, too.

Because I’ve learned how much power this offensive little word really packs for people who are willing to say it…

…and for people who aren’t afraid to hear it, either.

Once they embrace this word, they’re suddenly freed from so many useless habits:

  • They stop wasting money on stuff they don’t need.
  • They stop hanging out with ‘friends’ who only take from them and never give anything back.
  • They stop getting into bad relationships because they’re quick to notice (and call out) red-flags right from the start.
  • They stop settling for less than they’re really worth at their job or in their business.

Mostly, though, they get very decisive.

They start making decisions and sticking to them.

They seem to acquire a sense of purpose that drives them to make better use of their time, money, and emotional energy.

All because they stopped being afraid to hear…

…or to say…


It’s actually painful for some people to say or hear it.

And yet, how much more pain is caused by avoiding it?

How many bad relationships could have ended before they started, if someone said it?

How many dreams of success never even left the ground, because someone was afraid to hear it?

I know I was really uncomfortable with it for a long time.

I couldn’t say it because I thought I’d hurt the others person’s feelings.

I couldn’t hear it because it meant I was being rejected, and rejection hurts.

But my life has drastically improved since I realized that it’s just a perfectly natural way to express personal boundaries and limitations.

I’m not rejecting someone when I turn down a request. I’m simply making it clear that I don’t have the time, money or energy to effectively help them.

And people aren’t rejecting me when I hear it, either. So I have no reason to fear hearing it.

In fact, it’s become clear to me in my advancing age that hearing ‘No’ upfront is *way* easier than having things dragged out with an endless string of ‘Maybes’, or worse…

Someone saying ‘Yes’ when they mean ‘No’ and then never doing what they just promised.

‘No’ puts everything on the table and lets both parties get on with their lives.

It’s just easier, in my experience.

Maybe your experience is different. Maybe you’ve already mastered the power of ‘No’ or, maybe you’re comfortable just hiding from it.

In that case, this subliminal session definitely isn’t for you: